In a sad but perhaps not entirely surprising development, the Interior Department today added Snark to the Endangered Species List.
The story of the Snark, a naturally occurring cross of the Snipe and the Lark first recognized by Lewis Carroll, parallels that of the Passenger Pigeon, the last specimen of that species dying in the the Cincinnati zoo in 1914.
When internet connectivity became increasingly available in the closing days of the 20th Century Snark exploded in numbers. The population grew to such a degree that entire chat rooms were darkened by flying Snark until all light was blotted out. Early cyber pioneers reported Snark massing in such numbers that their very weight brought websites crashing down underneath them.
However the glory days of the Snark were not to last.
Their population began to decline during the George W. Bush administration, recovered somewhat during Obama’s presidency, and then dropped precipitously during the Trump years. Some blamed a reduction in natural habitat, pointing to the retirements of David Letterman and Jon Stewart, while others postulated the cause was an imbalance of humors.
The Bureau of Memes in San Sarcástico, California began extensive studies to try to determine why the species was in decline. Investigators were at a loss until blood work determined the cause: The Snark were dying from a severe irony deficiency.
Doctor Maya Ayes of the Bureau explains, “Snark are absolutely dependent upon a diet rich in irony.” “But,” she emphasized , “Irony only exists if it is recognized as such.”
“While it may seem at first glance that the country’s irony supply exploded during the Trump administration, the percentage of the population recognizing it actually dwindled. When a man who is clearly a very unstable moron claims to be a very stable genius, and half the population doesn’t recognize the jaw-dropping irony of that, it creates an environment hostile to the Snark’s continued existence.”
Conservation efforts have begun but many fear it may be too late.
While some had hoped the new AI technology might offer a solution, Artificial Intelligence has proven powerless against Natural Stupidity. Efforts to bolster the Snarks’ irony level with an onion diet appeared promising, but ultimately even the onion found itself struggling to survive in today’s climate. Studies involving the injection of Borowitzium are in the early stages.
Dr. Maya Ayes is pragmatic. “The decline in Snark has been startlingly swift, and if the linkage of “Swift” with “Snark” isn’t ironic then I don’t know what is.”
“But how many folks even catch it?” she lamented.